III: Princess in Love Vol. IV: Princess in Waiting Vol. IV and a Half: Project Princess Vol. Mia's royal introduction to Genovia has mixed results: while her fashion sense is widely applauded, her position on the installation of public parking meters is met with resistance. 4 The Thermopolis-Renaldo Agreement. 22 Some of Meg Cabot's stories are: The Princess Diaries Goes Forth (), The Princess Diaries: Give Me Five. The Princess Diaries has 60 entries in the series. Mia Goes Fourth. The Princess Diaries (Series). Book 4. Meg Cabot Author (). cover image of Mia Goes.
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The fourth volume in the popular Princess Diaries series. Mia Thermopolis, the year-old princess of tiny Genovia, is having a hard time adjusting to. The Princess Diaries: Third Time Lucky The Princess Diaries: Give Me Five . 4. My best friend Lilly's brother, whom I have loved since the day I met him. 4. And I say that as a princess who is in love with a college student. The thing is, I finally get it now: Guys are different than we are. But that's not always a bad.
I will stop lecturing the Royal Genovian Press Corps on the evils of smoking. If they all wish to develop lung cancer, that is their prerogative. I will achieve self-actualization.
I will stop thinking so much about Michael Moscovitz. Oh, wait. I mean, this is my winter break. I am supposed to be having fun, mentally recharging for the coming semester, which is not going to be easy, as I will be moving on to Algebra II, not to mention Health and Safety class.
Everybody at school was all, Oh, you are so lucky, you get to spend Christmas in a castle being waited on hand and foot. Well, first of all, there is nothing so great about living in a castle. Because guess what? Castles are totally old.
Where is MTV 2, I ask you? Where is the Lifetime Movie Channel for Women? Not that it matters because I am spending all my time being run off my feet. So now, four hundred years later, if you put one square too much toilet paper in the bowl and try to flush, you create a mini indoor tsunami.
The Princess Diaries, Volume IX: Princess Mia
That is my life in Genovia. Every other kid I know is spending his or her winter break in Aspen skiing, or in Miami getting tanned.
Carrot Top! Even though you and J. The only difference really was that you were actually crushing on Josh. No wonder Lana was mad. God, Mia. You do suck. Maybe Lana really does want to hang out with me.
The question is. Oh, crud. Here comes Mrs. But is it my fault no one will throw the ball to me? The one Kenny and J. I just put on my goggles and my lab coat, and am sitting here holding stuff out to them when they ask for it. When I can actually identify what it is that they want, anyway. True, I totally do need new bras.
But how can I hang out with Lana? I mean, even if she did apologize. What do we even have in common? She likes partying. Which reminds me. I love my bed. No one can get me there. G took my TV away.
Oh, well. I can always read Jane Eyre again. Rochester get separated because of the whole Bertha thing, and then she hears his disembodied voice floating over the moor. What are you doing tomorrow night? If I got tickets to something, would you come with me?
Anything you want to see, you name it. What can I say? I just want to stay in bed. Thanks for thinking of me, though! If you want, I could come over. We could watch some movies. Oh, wow. Even though he, of course, is the one who initiated it.
But is about as much of the truth as J. Mia, is this about the newspaper thing? Is the paparazzi staking out your place or something? Of course not! I can take a hint. You two are engaged? Where are you registered? Sharper Image, right? Which, of course, made Mr. Then he gave me a very irritated look. I am in the middle of a hazardous procedure involving the use of highly corrosive acids. Please can we talk about Lilly some other time? What a baby.
I mean, they are both equally horrible, in their own way. Knutz asking me how school went. Everything was exactly the same as last time. The only difference, really, was that I was in my toosmall school uniform instead of my Hello Kitty pajamas.
Which I told him my mom had put down the incinerator. The same night my stepfather took away my TV. To which Dr. What happened in school today? Knutz asked me why I hate school so much, and so—just to illustrate my point—I told him about Lana. She is willing to move on from your past differences.
But she thinks I stole her boyfriend. I only met you yesterday, remember. Knutz looked confused. Well, how did you respond to his e-mail? And it turns out the mom asked me because Lana recommended me. Which was. I need new clothes. And Lana knows a lot about shopping. K said.
After all that, he was telling me a story about a mare named Dusty? What kind of weird psychological technique was this? Want to know why? And she wants to cool off. Besides, saddles are ruined when they get wet. Knutz said, without waiting for me to respond to the Dusty story, thank God. He actually read from his notes. So I beat him to the punch by dumping him first. Even though I regretted it later.
The whole Judith Gershner thing. Someone who can clone fruit flies. Not someone like. Knutz passed me the tissues. Not in an unkind way, either. I mean, being a princess is no big accomplishment!
I was just BORN this way! I mean, anyone can be BORN! Then I felt ashamed of myself. I mean, for shouting. And she has thousands of loyal viewers. And she made that show all by herself. No one even helped her. Well, except for me and Shameeka and Ling Su and Tina. But we just helped with the camera work, really.
There are lots of sixteen-year-olds who have accomplished loads more than me. He said that. Which is basically what everyone else has been saying to me whenever I have brought up this subject. You do kind of suck. Now what are you going to do about it? I was so shocked I stopped crying and just sat there staring at him with my mouth hanging open. He shrugged. As opposed to for some boy? I was still kind of trying to get over my shock.
What can I do? Knutz shrugged. Wait till he gets a load of ihatemiathermopolis. My assignment? Go shopping with Lana.
Figure out what I was put on this planet for besides being a princess. Come back and see Dr. Knutz next Friday after school. I think I can handle the last one. The first two, though? Might actually kill me. I had kind of hoped. And because of a BOY. Tina just IMed me, though. At least I still have Tina. How ARE you? I barely got to talk to you at school today.
Are you feeling better? Yes, thanks! I lie all the time anyway. You looked so sad at school. I know. Hey, I know what might cheer you up! Some retail therapy! I mean, you did grow an inch and gained a whole size! You need new clothes! Do you want to go shopping tomorrow? You know how she loves to shop!!! And she knows all the designers.
But I have to do something with my grandmother. The lies just keep mounting and mounting. Even if I explained about the do-one-thing-every-day-that-scares-you thing.
And the thing about Domina Rei. Well, what are you doing tomorrow night, then? Want to come over? My parents are going out and I have to babysit, but we can watch some DVDs or something. I mean, Tina is just so sweet. Also, it sounded like something I could handle, emotionally. I was thinking we should re-examine the Drew Barrymore oeuvre.
Maybe someday I will be. Which is admittedly pretty fancy. This is not the Gap. Only more crowded. Mom about had a coronary when I told her where I was going this morning—and why I needed to borrow her jeans.
For therapy. Which delighted Rocky no end. What am I doing here? Why did I listen to Dr. K, anyway? What does HE know about the long, torrid history between Lana and me? He has no way of knowing that this whole shopping thing is probably a trick! That Carrot Top is the only one who is going to show up! Here she comes. More later. Not a 34B anymore!!!! But I started thinking about it, and it IS kind of true. Lilly CAN be a little judgmental and bossy. I mean, at least she HAS opinions about stuff.
Stuff that matters, anyway. Because as recent developments prove, neither Lilly nor Michael is going to be around to help me when I need them.
The truth was, I could see their point. But I have.
But Lana insisted they would look good on me and made me try on a pair and so I did and. In my Agent Provocateur demi-cup underwires, I actually have breasts now. I actually look curvy. And, okay, not like Scarlett Johansson curvy. But like Jessica Biel curvy. With each Marc Jacobs babydoll top Lana threw over my arm and commanded me to try on, I began to feel less and less like this whole thing was a trick, and more and more like Lana really was trying to make amends for past wrongs, and really did want me to look good.
And I will admit, it felt good. Promise me. It was just. The kind of thing Lilly would have totally looked down on. At least, none of the ladies at the trunk show do. I asked. Except for the thing with the corn. I got over it.
And you will too. Not in a million trillion years. Anyway, it was. It was a lot like the way Tina and I talk to each other. Only with thongs which by the way are pretty comfortable if you get the right size. Unless it has to do with shoes. I still miss that fat-assed little horse. Anyway, I guess I should get back to our table.
Of course, Lana and Trisha just have to pay for themselves. I have to pay for Lars, too. Her eyes were all crazy. Rocky had been having a good time ramming the lowest tier with his trucks, trying to make them all fall down. Which I was kind of surprised to find I was looking forward to doing. Lana and Trisha had invited me to some party they were going to at an Upper West Side apartment, given by a senior whose parents were working on their chi at a spa for the weekend.
But I told them I already had other plans. Only by now I knew not to take every little thing she said so literally and straight to heart. Even if the only person her remark is funny to is herself. I was just stuffing my toothbrush into my overnight case when my mom walked in and held out the phone to me.
I love my mom and all. And, okay, Dr. The credit card company already called me. They thought the card had been stolen and some teenage girl was on a spending spree.
You know how your mother is. If it costs more than twenty dollars, she breaks out in hives. Oh, no. With a cowboy psychologist. Falling apart because of That Boy?
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle! And whatnot. Pull yourself together! Things are kind of stressful for me right now. I already told them you would. Now, tomorrow afternoon, you are meeting me at the Genovian Embassy, and together, we shall pore over the royal archives for some kind of material that will hopefully inspire your speech.
Is that understood? The embassy. I guess she told me. And I guess my dream of spending all day Sunday in bed has been crushed. Mom just poked her head in here. She seems to have gotten over her rage about my spendaholism.
But I had to do it. Do you realize you spent almost as much as the gross national product of a small developing nation. Sorry I never bought jeans like that before.
Because I look HOT in them. That much. And also the other thing Lana told me over lunch. Talk about harsh. Because everyone wants royalty at their school. Also true. One is silver and the other gold. See ya. That, of course, is the result of a fantastically supportive—and also a little bit padded, for extra nipple-erection camouflage—well-fitted bra.
The first thing we did after we ordered two pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese and ate them was change all the clocks so that her siblings thought it was bedtime, then put them to bed, ignoring their plaintive protests that they were not tired. They wept themselves to sleep soon enough. Then we broke out the DVDs and got to work. I never saw this. Excellent, classic Drew.
Too much stuff about baseball. Still, funny. It pains me that Drew was in this movie. It hurts me deep inside. Full Throttle Tina: Awesome, butt-kicking Drew!
Who holds hands with their girlfriends? Which is totally different. Did you see this movie? I never heard of it. But it was probably good. If Drew was in it, of course. I know! Wait—Drew was in this movie? He was so hot in this. Best movie ever. Shut up!!! Drew looks so cute in her waitress outfit.
The made-for-TV movie! Brilliantly, I might add. A very young Drew in a very cute role! Love it. Love her. Shut up! How can you not like it? And such a good actress.
Face it. President Barrymore! I mean, that Michael would try to pretend like we were just friends and tell me about his egg-sandwich-finding hardships and not tell me instead how much he misses me or how much he wishes we could get back together. Also that the whole thing was my fault in the first place for blowing up over the Judith Gershner Affair, instead of playing it cool, the way Drew would have.
Which Tina was forced to concede was true. I feel kind of guilty not telling Tina about how I spent my day—you know, with Lana and Trisha.
It was LANA. But Boris got on the intercom and said he was only dropping something off, a present for us. To be honest, they were our favorite flavors, vanilla Swiss almond and macadamia brittle. I mean, outside of the lunchroom. Maybe it was just the shock of seeing J. Still, it was weird. He shuffled in and said hi to me, while Tina was squealing over the ice cream and running to get spoons. Tina is not the hardest person to please when it comes to presents.
Case in point, she will practically faint over anything from Kay Jewelers. I guess mainly it was weird because J. But also because of the hot thing. And things got progressively weirder. Well, her dad would, anyway. But then Tina and Boris stopped paying attention to the movie and started paying attention to each other. A LOT of attention. Right in front of J. Even though how hard is it to return two ice cream containers to the freezer? I totally could have done it by myself.
In the background, we could hear the television from the media room, but not, thank God, the slurping noises anymore. I guess I did. Not as important as new jeans, anyway. I glanced toward the hallway to the media room. Empty, fortunately. Boris and Tina were still, um, occupied. What had I done?
About that. On the other hand, is she the one who picked out that shirt? And low-cut. And, amazingly, with one of my new bras—and my new chest size—I actually had a tiny bit of cleavage in it. Nothing trashy, but definitely there. And I mean ever. But J.
But how on earth did THAT happen? But why did you say YES? I mean, why I said what I did. But it was one of those super silent ones that just went swish-swish all softly. Maybe it was because J. The meteorologists all blame global warming. Or maybe it was the hot thing again—that, you know, he did look. And I thought shopping with Lana Weinberger would be really scary. Because, you know. Especially a guy. He just sat there peeling the label off his bottle of root beer with his thumbnail.
He seemed really interested in the level of liquid left in the bottle. Like I was slipping farther down that hole than ever. I mean, a bigger freak than before. And smiled. And I felt the sliding sensation I was experiencing subside a little. And not just because the smile made him look cuter than ever. Besides Tina and Boris, I mean. It was a stupid thing to do. Someone else I knew was going through the same thing I was? I slid onto the kitchen stool next to J. Is it working? He took a sip of his root beer.
Do you want one of these? This was amazing. Or something similar, anyway. Before it started working? It took me a minute before I realized it was pitying. He felt sorry for me.
Not in a mean way. Like he genuinely felt bad for me. I can do whatever I want. I can download whatever I want. Well, within reason. Not without compassion. I nodded. And where is the full orchestra supposed to be coming from?
But really he was just checking for World of Warcraft alerts on his cell phone. Not the beauty part of course. And not the beast part, either. That is totally us.
Except, of course, that Belle is smarter than I am. Like, would it really have mattered to Belle if the Beast, back before he ever held her captive in his castle, had hooked up with Judith Gershner, then failed to mention it? So what difference did it make? Exactly: none.
I swear, even as cheesy as it is—and, okay, I have to admit, I can see the cheese factor in it now—Beauty and the Beast has brought new clarity to my life. ReynoldsAbernathy the Fourth. Michael has never cried during a Broadway show. And that was only because he was laughing so hard. I think guys just might be different from girls. But because they are just programmed differently. Like to be unmoved by the sight of a guy in a gorilla suit getting pretend-shot onstage. The thing is, I finally get it now: Guys are different than we are.
But those same guys might also give you a snowflake necklace for your fifteenth birthday to represent the Nondenominational Winter Dance where you first declared your love for each other.
Which, you have to admit, is way romantic. The lights just flickered. It would be all right if J. Does he think you just automatically rebound from something like that, just because you are attending a musical with dancing teacups in it? Although Tina is completely right, it turns out: J. The single tear proves it. All he needs is the right woman to unlock his heart—which up until now he has kept in a cold, hard shell 5 for his own emotional protection—and he will explode like the simmering caldera that makes up part of Yellowstone National Park.
On the other hand, maybe J. I mean, he has to. Okay, not thinking about that now. Because every time I do, I get these weird heart palpitations and my palms get sweaty.
Meanwhile, a hand-delivered envelope did arrive for me while I was gone. Mom told me about it not very happily when I woke her up to ask if Michael had called. How was I supposed to know the musical guest was Fergie, so Mom went to bed early? It was on fancy ivory stationery with a big red wax seal with the letters D and R stamped in the middle.
No matter what time it is. How she can sleep with Mr. Gianini snoring away like that next to her is a mystery to me. It can only be true love.
But I went to my room and ripped open the seal and pulled out the letter and started reading. And nearly had a heart attack. Did you receive your letter? Did you get one, too?
Now, Amelia, I must know. This is very important. Did she mention issuing you an invitation to join Domina Rei when you come of age? How can you not be aware of this, Amelia?
Only not religiously affiliated. That secret society in The Da Vinci Code? The one where the members whip themselves? The Contessa Trevanni is a member. I mean, hello, has no one in my family heard of condoms? Basically, we never speak of it. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Even Oprah Winfrey. However, due to a complete misunderstanding involving a certain gentleman, who shall remain nameless, I was ruthlessly blackballed. If you must know, it was Prince Rainier of Monaco.
But the rumors were completely false! I never even looked at him twice! Was it my fault he was so fascinated by me that he used to follow me around like a puppy? What is wrong with you? Why do you think he married Grace Kelly? Why do you think his family allowed him to marry a movie actress? Only because they were so relieved he agreed to marry anyone after the heartbreak he experienced when I rejected him. You turned him gay? I— Oh, never mind. How did we even get on this topic?
Of course, why would they? Let me see, now, the Domina Rei colors are blue and white. Panic was rising in my throat.
It was sort of the way I felt every time I thought about Michael, only without the sweaty palms. As if any of us could forget. Maybe Paolo can fashion some sort of extensions. This is all I need. And then he has to go through customs. So I just need to be patient. I just need to be calm.
Why are you dying????? Oh, thank God. Thank God for Tina Hakim Baba. And I think I might be having a heart attack. Of course Michael is going to forgive you! You guys will get back together, and everything is going to be just like it used to be. Better, even. Because couples who go through hard times together always come out stronger for it.
And whatever, right? My ancestresses 14 have faced far harsher adversity. Michael and I will be fine! What are you talking about? But I thought she was joking. But it was perfectly innocent. But that was a long time ago. Now my ideal man is one who snickers.
How do YOU even know? Her former beau has already been replaced by a mystery man who accompanied the young royal to a performance of the long-running 17 Broadway show Beauty and the Beast Friday evening. Which is so messed up on so many levels. I mean, first of all, it was only a peck. And second of all, they were already broken up when the peck took place. ReynoldsAbernathy the Fourth?
But my heart belongs to Michael Moscovitz, and always will! None of this makes any sense. Lilly is supposed to be my best friend. How can she believe something so horrible of me? Unless he happens to check Google News and sees the giant article about me and J. But why would he believe it?
He never believed any of the lies the paparazzi was always reporting about me and James Franco. Why would he believe THIS one? I am not going to freak out. But not now. And besides: I am way too freaked out as it is. How could I possibly freak out any more? I can barely hold on to my pen to write this, my hand is so drenched in sweat. But I actually need her to go so I can find out what Lilly is saying about me. Or any of my classes, really.
Number one is my hair. Number ten is my name. The stuff in between gets progressively worse. But this. This is really.
Just great. Now somebody out there in the world hates me enough to point out for the whole world to read that with my new haircut, my ears resemble teapot handles. Just what I need. I was so certain it was Michael his plane has landed by now that I almost dropped it, my hands were so sweaty, plus shaking so badly also they were so greasy from the chicken leg I found in the back of the fridge and was gnawing.
But it was only J. Which is hard to do with a leftover fried chicken leg in your mouth. Ha ha. And my parents are totally impressed. Basically everything that was in the fridge. But whatever you call an excessive meat eater. Except that I knew the truth. And I really want to be here when he calls. But he has to call. So he realizes how sought-after and popular you are? If that photo of us makes it to Japan. Imagine, offering to give up his Saturday to help me with Precalculus!
I have an actual Algebra instructor living here, who I can turn to if I start pulling out my hair in despair. But if you change your mind. I was kind of trying to hurry him off the phone.
Because Michael could have been calling at that very moment. You know. When the Yellowstone caldera last erupted six hundred and forty thousand years ago, it released a thousand cubic kilometers of debris, basically covering half of North America in ash piles six feet deep. I know this is totally selfish to say, but I just hope that when he finds his, I still have mine.
Or with anyone else. She knows about the oxytocin thing. You look a little peaked. Have you eaten anything today? Or any ice cream, either. It might relax me. If only the photographers from the New York Post could see me now. Did he call????? Tiny quivering thing. Unless he saw that photo, I mean.
Okay, time to change the subject. Nothing too exciting happened. Kenny Showalter came over with a bunch of guys from his muay thai fighting class, and they all started doing shirtless handstand push-ups, and I guess Lilly was impressed by what she saw since she totally 31 hooked up with one of them.
And then Perin ate too many maraschino cherries and threw up in the bathroom sink and a lot of the cherries were still whole so Ling Su had to cut them up with scissors to get them to go down the drain. Well, I mean, Boris said he saw Lilly making out with some dude in the kitchen.
But she threw a lobster pot holder at his head before he could get a good look at who it was. This is obviously just a rebound relationship!
Did you try talking to her???? Such a WHAT? I know what Lilly told her. Not to be such a Mia. Sometimes Lilly makes really bad choices. And then she gets hurt. And true, sometimes she makes good choices—like dating J. But making out with some random muay thai fighter in her kitchen just one day after breaking up with her boyfriend of six months?
If Dr. But given the current state of our relationship, that is probably not the wisest course of action. It was just J. How are you? Then: J. So how was your night last night? It relaxes him as much as it relaxes me.
Did you hear about Lilly?
About the Book
What about her? But not the new and improved Lilly. And he was laughing!I know what Lilly told her. To which he agreed.
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From which my office is conveniently located just a few blocks away. She said she understands how upsetting it must have been for me to have experienced such a hideous breakup as well as the loss of my best friend in one week. I guess this is supposed to impress me. I can barely hold on to my pen to write this, my hand is so drenched in sweat. The first two, though? I'm paying attention. Some drugs or something.
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